Heidi Klum Next
Birth Day: January 1, 1973
Born in Berisch Gladbach, Germany
Measurements: 35-24-34
Slide Show - Gallery - More
Latest Active Threads
Heather! - 0 replies
It Lives, Again? - 8 replies
CS Updates! - 0 replies
New Player! - 0 replies
Search for Heidi Klum
Google | Google Images | AV Images

heidi have sex with me plssss
omg yes of course!
* heidi_klum sexes lp|kane

Did You Know:
drinks three litres water without carbonic acid daily

encounter of the gays
<lp|bd> that was like i want to suck your cock
<lp|kap> wat the
<lp|kap> beast
<lp|kap> r u comen on to me
You must be logged in to rate a babe Current: 3.60
Matt Firestone Has Brain! | - 11.28.2001
archived news - up
It was discovered earlier this week that one Matt Firestone(AKA Grim) had a brain when a Medical Techs performed a C.T. scan on his head. Matt's father, who witnessed this miracle, was quoted as having said "Oh my god! he really does have a brain!". when asked why he made this comment he simply replied "Ummm...... his skull always sounded hollow...." after contacting the police with this evidence, the medical technician was asked if she'd seen many possible abberations in the scan she simply stated that the Neroanalysts would reveal any results to the patient first, after having actually taken a look at the grayscale images. More to come later.

Fuck | - 11.26.2001
archived news - up
Somehow inbetween now and turning off my computer last night, I've become infected with some kind of minor virus/problem. Only seems to effect IE, haven't been having any other problems. Must of exploited [?] one of these fabled IE security holes. Anyway, it has changed my home page to cnetadd.com and I can't change it back [it's greyed out]. Any help/suggestions would be appriciated. I'm going ot reinstall IE6 whenever the fucktard I lent my disk to gives it me back, or I rip out his still beating heart from his rib cage.

Sounds like my first marriage

Have you tried editing the registry?, Open REGEDIT and browse to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main, you should see the nasty culprit there and be able to change it (I think). Although your using XP now right? So this could all be set up different. In that case I'll shut the hell up now.

Problem solved, good old system restore. It came to me in a moment of clarity as alchoholic say.

Memory lane... | - 11.25.2001
archived news - up
I suddenly got the urge to download the music of the C&C series, so I opened up KaZaa and got as many as possible. And I realized that you can mock Westwood as much as you want, but Frank Klepacki remains a genious. Awesome stuff!

Pondering | - 11.24.2001
archived news - up
The ubiquotos question of her tits. For reasons beyond understanding, Kamakaze made the case for au natural. In true BAMF style, here's the conclusive, I feel, proof against.

Also, you missed John Petrucci and Marcel Coenen amougst others off your poll.

Wohoo! | - 11.24.2001
archived news - up
ADSL rules! That is all.

After three months of no internet connection at home, being online from the second I turn on my computer is a blessing. And let's not forget that prior to losing my internet connection I was on dial-up... Euch! Anyway, we will now return to our not-so-very-regularly scheduled crap.

Effort Sucks | - 11.24.2001
archived news - up
Probably why [lp] has been slow this week. I saw this pic and immediately thought of TheShadow. Hence the edits.


On the 15th of December I go on leave for 4 whole weeks. W00t. Last week I was in the field doing boring shit, and I am in again this week. Its live firing this week, which is good cos its alot funner that this last week, but bad cos sleep will be down to 1-2 hours a night. Ill bring my camera with me, so hopefully I can get some really warry photos of my baby (105mm light gun) in action.

Damn, guys! | - 11.23.2001
archived news - up
You're lazier than my couch, for shit's sake!

Anyway, I figured it's been too long since I did this, let's hope I remember how... Load time raping, commence!

Gee poppy, I wonder what all that hollering back at the gas station was for...

Sign here and here, initials here. And don't let me catch you driving like that again!

You're all alike, but I'll show you that this thing has fish in it! You'll see, all of you!

Well, no shit...

Well shit, if he insists on parking here, we can't do anything about that... Right boys? Boys...?

No comment. If you don't get it, go shoot yourself

Somone send me the FTP info, the one I got earlier doesn't seem to work. Either that or my ISP has placed me behind some f**king firewall

Hmmm..... Most of you should have braodband by now...... it's been out for over 3 years! Come on!

BMW Z3 - Special Preview Images | - 11.20.2001
archived news - up
Congrats, you have been selected out of few choices to be one of everyone to be able to view the special preview images of my BMW Z3. The images are:
One Here and Another Here
These images are WIP (work in progress) images of my major project for my portfilio which *will* get me into university. Also they're going to persuade my current school/college to fork out a grand or so to buy the program (i hope!). As no one in the school knows the program apart from me then i guess i'll have to do some training ;) $$$!.
Until sometime next week!. . J

Turkey | - 11.20.2001
archived news - up
Ok 4 hours and counting..Thats how long its been since I've eaten anything. I'm seeing if i can go till tommorow then just eat an entire turkey myself..thats dedication. Name one other day where you just eat, watch tv, eat some more, watch more tv, and get whacked out all at the same time (triptophane = turkey lsd). To top it off, you don't even need to do anything! Girls seem to have this burned in instinct to just do all of the work on Thanksgiving..they cook..they clean..and they don't even bitch! Oh well, back to fasting.

Oh, just waxed my car last night and took it to a local park thing to take some pics.. enjoy.

edit: lol in one of the pics the shadow makes me look like im 500lbs..im 150 :)

/me resumes CPR | - 11.19.2001
archived news - up
Live, damnit... LIVE!!!

Hey, someone had to post... and push Derek's drunken ramblings off the top spot. What's up guys, everyone too busy to do anything here? Right, just thought I'd ask anyway. I'll have my internet access back this week, by the way, so you'll see me online again soon enough. I know you missed me

Its that time of the week agaon! | - 11.18.2001
archived news - up
DRUNKNESS! Ahhhh yes alcohol is our friend. BUrys your all tourbles. Love sucks. Most guys are assholes. Vex is yumy. Derej is drunk.. THat is all for the drunk.....uhhh forgot the rest bubye

Monkey Madness! | - 11.16.2001
archived news - up
Over the past few months in the cold, wet and dark place that is the UK what started off as a TV commercial has turned into something much bigger. Heres an explanation:

Over here basically we have two mainstream ways of getting 'digital' tv (cable to you Americans). We either get Sky or ITV Digital. Now Sky is far more popular than ITV because as you get it through a dish you get loads more channels etc blah. To try and increase popularity ITV started adverts featuring a fat bloke and his 'pet monkey' (basically a puppet type thing) arguing over what 'ITV Movie Channel' to watch...You get the jist of it.

The whole monkey thing however has started an almost massive following. This little guy:

Am I too monkeylicious for you baby?

...has got more fansites than most games have. A few to list:

The Monkey Game
Pictures from the commercials
The guys behind it all

This is only a small selection. Just type 'itv monkey' into google and you get hundreds of replys. It just shows how mad the British public are...

Or how we are all in great need of serious psych help...

Miss me? | - 11.16.2001
archived news - up
You know you did. Anyway, to show you what interesting covnersations I still partake in, here is something I couldn't miss ouot on posting:

TheKiller:Its the start of RAX Recruitment Weekend where if you apply for one job you get another one free.


DirectX 8.1 Released | - 11.16.2001
archived news - up
The latest version of DirectX is out, its kind of an important update these days I guess.
This latest version of DirectX offers updated graphics, faster frame rates, and support for massively multiplayer games. It also offers more immersive audio when running and displaying programs rich in multimedia elements such as full-color graphics, video, 3-D animation, and surround sound.
This update is for Windows 98, Windows 98 SE, Windows Me and Windows 2000. If your still using Windows 95 (why?) you should continue to use version 8.0a. If you have the new Windows XP you don't need to to update all since Windows XP already has version 8.1 installed. To download it click here.

Newpro | - 11.14.2001
archived news - up
Its doing it cause no one has been posting and its only set to display the last 3(?) days so when someone commented today, it took off all the news older then 3(?) days.

that's what I thought, just didn't have anyone to check up on that.

I've changed it to display 12 news items, turned of the news search controls, they can be found on the News Archive page.

umm.... | - 11.14.2001
archived news - up
Newspro is doing odd stuff.... I'll see what I can do, if anything.

Blood and Guts | - 11.13.2001
archived news - up
This is just damn disturbing

And you're joining the Marines? The Few, The Proud? and you can't stomach this kind of atrocity? That which, if you ever go into combat, you will most definately see?

The whole idea of our marines is that they can take almost any raw material and forge a fighting soldier out of them. Besides, they are allowed to be made sick by such things, they're just not allowed to let it get in the way of duty. Just telling your our armed forces' MO :P

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!!!!! | - 11.11.2001
archived news - up
Well my faithful little children, I have returned to my house, and an improved internet connection(Long live Broadband!!!!), after a week of being away, I have have no idea how I survived, oddly enough everything smells quite a bit diffrent at home, almost like a curry house... which is odd because we don't eat that much curry...

Had my house broken into today... | - 11.10.2001
archived news - up
They stole everything from my room and replaced it with an exact replica. Old ones are always the best. I thought I'd post something to make the lot of us seem something less like a bunch of angst ridden post-teen degenerate drunks and to quantify the "serious situation" that occured whilst I was sleeping [we got more than 10 uniques in a day, that's serious in my books].

Trying to use the smallest amount of blantant or not so derogative terms as I can, as far as I can see Mike posted his civil view that as far he was concerned he didn't find it satisfying to see the taking of human life. Obviously contrary to the views of the other various forum members, they then preceded to flame/slam/degrade his post with slurs in various forms on the sheer fact that he disagreed with them. Right...

Seems it's unfortunately confirmed the fact that as far as I'm concerned a [large] number of their forum plebs are irrational and ignorant, taking away an amount from the work Sharkey and the rest put in to make it a landmark site [End quasi-suckign up]. The Faaq Club is just pathetic, considering some of them[forum plebs] are quite caught up in their own self importance it's typically hypocritical to be honest.

That's the end of me making an fuss about this complete non-issue. Before anyone starts complaining that we did it as some subversive "PR-Stunt", I direct you to the about section where you will duly find that this is ite is about a couple of us having fun, not posting for hits and then gloating about them [like certain Floridians...]. And remember, it's dangerous out there.

YEAH M)0F0 | - 11.10.2001
archived news - up
Oh yeah Mufugga!I too, am fuggin toast! Here is matthews (drunken) rambling:
ham just slammerfd thge keyblorad - were fuckin toasted - partys rtockuin- hamish njust got
ROFL./ Hes worse than ME! My color is ba k! Woof!

You know wat? | - 11.10.2001
archived news - up
Woohoooo! i went to the newpro thingy and typed in the thing and it came out on wamaker.com! WOOHOO!

Wiat for it... | - 11.10.2001
archived news - up

Friday night..and nothing to do | - 11.10.2001
archived news - up
Another saturday night and I ain't got nobody..oh wait its friday.

I guess you could call this one of the few times I wish I lived in a city. For everyone that lives in a city..does it make things any better? I mean I sit here, in suburbia, with absolutely nothing to do..no clubs..no parties..nothing...

Wow scratch that..about mid paragraph I stumbled on this amazing link. Ok damn my night is complete..only one question remains: how fast can you spank the monkey?.

My record: 807mph

My record: 1685mph Truly a sad day.

Boredom in small town Ontario | - 11.09.2001
archived news - up
I'm here in Small town ontario, Visiting my Grandparents, but I'll be heading home to regular web access on Sunday, hope to get out soon.

Word Thesaurus | - 11.09.2001
archived news - up
Someone owned my colour from the list. Grr.

Anyway, with regards to Mike's point about the Word Thesaurus feature -- it's been there since at least Word 6. I completely credit the Word Thesaurus with my getting into a selective high school, and my success as equal 1st in English in yr7.

Essay writing was as simple as writing it with lots of small words that I understood, hitting Shift-F7, and picking the longest word it gave me.

(Maybe not really, but it's been around and I've been using it for that long.. ;)

Eh? | - 11.09.2001
archived news - up
Is my color is missing from the list?

I am drunk again. Ha!

Despite the extreme disclipine and such awful shit, the army is can be fuckin funny. Todays programme:
0930hrs: Reveille
1000hrs: Be At Work
1130hrs: Be at the Mangatainoka Brewery (Where Tui, my favourite beer is created)
1145hrs: Start 'All You Can Drink Hour'
1300hrs: Stop Drinking (I am toast by this stage); Go On Brewery Tour
1400hrs: Restart Drinking
1530hrs: Return to base, knock off for the day.


Old, but it made me laugh | - 11.07.2001
archived news - up
It had been too long since I raped the loadtime ..

I liked the Napster one personally.
That's because you have dial-up .. ;)


The Irony | - 11.06.2001
archived news - up
I was just being bored as usual when this little gem came up:

The Irony...

Gotta love it

Geeez | - 11.06.2001
archived news - up
Tim and Myself are surrounded by it. I mean things that were never broken in the first place needing tweaks and maintenance. I don't know.

Hmm what broke?
Don't ask, cause you won't like the answer. Let's just say Mark and I aren't exactly 'good' with Perl .. (but it was really all Mark's fault anyway! ;)


eric = perl g0d | - 11.06.2001
archived news - up
Because of eric's talents when it comes to perl, you now all have the opportunity to gain an insight into the brilliant world that is my musical taste. I was thinking about it just then that i dont think that i've actually contributed to the playlists since the site since opened (it was sasha's xpander for those who care, and that was only really there because i'd used that song in the beta layouts for lp.)

Thankfully the drought of poor musical selection is over as i'll be constantly updated that list with whatever r0xors my s0x0rs (the early lp alusions continue). At the moment, you'll see -

The Ataris - Between you and me: I have been listening to so much of the atari's lately for some reason. This is my favourite song of theirs.

System F - Dancevalley 2001: Ferry Corsten. If you love trance there's not much more that can be said.

Rank 1 - Such is Life: Another great trance track that has only just started being played in clubs over here. If you're more into dancier version, get the vocal radio edit.

Dererium - Innocente: Karma is one of my favourite albums of all time, so i was really looking forward to their next album, poem which came out last year. It failed to impress though. Innocente is however a stand out track, on par with anything on karma. Grab tiesto's remix if your after a orgasmic trance rework/remix of this track.

P.S. I know that me posting my playlist on the frontpage really destroys the point of having a playlist section. in the future i wont be so bad.

Might be funky for a bit | - 11.06.2001
archived news - up
I was sick of seeing someone elses playlist in the music thingy at the top so i haxored newspro so everyone can have their own playlist, edit it through their browser as they see fit and have it all updated fancily smancily without touching ftp..who says runons are bad?

Anyway since this is a second instance of newspro on the server (even though its a completely gutted version) it gets all fuxored if you don't use the same logon/pass/email for both systems...soo that means icq me (36164282) me your username/pass/email exactly (to the case) as you have it in the regular newspro..enjoy.

Funny shit... | - 11.05.2001
archived news - up
This is a portion of a National Public Radio interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended

Gotta love the marines, who needs tact anyway.

In other news | - 11.04.2001
archived news - up
Kid dresses as pussy and gets fucked.

Sometimes my wit amazes even me.

haha | - 11.04.2001
archived news - up
to think two years ago we'd be discussing something important, like tumsun or ttr...

wm: [...]prolly about $500... mainly into this awesome armchair
TheShadow: i shelled out on an expensive executive leather chair for here, it's so comfortable. Not likely to lead to any sot of back damage either heh
wm: yeah, i got a leather chair for my desk about a year ago, except i kinda skimped on quality... over a few days after you adjust the hieght it just goes down to the bottom again
TheShadow: my old chair was like that, except it was a crappy office chair and the back would slowly fall further and further back
TheShadow: such enthrawling conversations we have these days ;)
wm: we're interesting people

TheShadow: i use my thesarus for swotting moths usually.
wm: i lost mine

we suck.

omg | - 11.04.2001
archived news - up
i just noticed that word 2000 has an in built thesaurus - maybe word 97 had it and i just didnt notice? regardless, im very impressed. my reports and assignments can now be filled with even bigger words that do an even better job of hiding how little i generally know what im talking about. the best bit is, its only midnight, and ive basically finished my assignment due tommorow (/ today) so ill have plenty of time to proof read it and make use of my exciting new find.

only a week and this semester is over, and i cant wait till its over. what kind of a uni makes its students get up at 7am four times a week if they want to make their lectures...

Cumputer show | - 11.03.2001
archived news - up
Going to hit the local computer show this weekend, I'll report back on anything I find interesting later, If there is anything....


Well, not much new to report other than that I'll be getting a new computer, Athlon XP 1500+ minimum with 512 DDR, 32 mb Radeon, 17" monitor, a DVD and a Burner!!!

WBT Release October Figures | - 11.03.2001
archived news - up

Sunday, 3rd November, 2001 - 1:30AM GMT

([lp] News) The WBT - World Beer Traders [FTSE100 - BEER NASDAQ - KEG] - released their monthly figures, with gross income coming up at over 100million. Analysts put it down mainly to the large finacial input into WBT products from Kife Plc [NASDAQ - WTF], producers of armaments and artillery aswell as funding several online entertainment ventures, and from Co-President of [lp] Inc., the international company producing and fiancing everything good in the world (Comment removed for over zealous bias - Ed) a vast range of military and domestic appliances. The transfer of funds from the two respective companies were authorised by Mr. Hamish Miller and Sir Micheal Hamel.

The Chairman of WBT, Mr. Nathan Jones, issued this short release in a relaxed afternoon UT session: "We are exceptional pleased with the inputs of both [lp] Inc and Kife Plc, both received over the weekend 20th to the 21st October. They have given us the unique oppertunity to broaden our horizons and focus our marketting efforts on an even wider scale than before." On the weekend in question several late night sessions were untaken to ensure the maximum amount could be ascertained from the newly perchased products and investments. Subsiduary distribution and consumption saw the prices of both Kife Plc. and [lp] Inc stocks rocket a massive 14%.

The recession of activity came much sooner than anyone could of predicted, with neither Kife Plc or any employee of [lp] Inc authorize any further investment in stock the following weekend. The end of the month heralded the levelling out of the markets. Sir Hamel and Mr. Miller were both avaliable for comment. Sir Hamel gave this short comment whilst attending the release of his latest autobiography; I funk, therefore I am. "The backlash of such copious amounts of WBT is well known to all of us, but the initial surge we felt more than justified the slight unsteadiness of the markets. We did not account for the actions of our affliates when they backed out of a futher scaled down investment the following weekend which caused the regretable rebound of the markets."

Mr. Miller issued this short statement whilst attending a new high explosive artillery warhead in the mountains surrounding the New Zealand Artillery Corp Base at Ngati Tumatauenga; "Our move was primiarily to boost the price of our own stock so that we could profit from selling some to private brokers. We needed the funds to cover some expenses and damages during a testing exercise here a number of weeks ago."


Fire Mission Battery | - 11.03.2001
archived news - up
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Tidbits | - 11.03.2001
archived news - up
Not to be confused with titbits.

First up for this Friday night madness is Emode.Com's Hallowe'en Monster Test. Bascially telling you what sort of shenanigans you'll most likely be getting up to when you go out and to parties, but it passes the time. Apprently I'm a Devil, not too sure on the accuracy of this thing thou. Another thing, why does everyone call it Halloween? It's Hallowe'en as it's short for All Hallo's Eve. Path of least resistance, responcible for so many injustices to the Queens English.

Secondly, and hopefully lastly, Opera says fuck you M$. M$ was unavaliable for comment as they couldn't read it. I love the irony, Opera produce a page in perfectly acceptable XML about a press release commenting on MS banning Opera users from MSN because they claim it isn't adiquate enough to render it proplerly. As the release states, it has nothing to do with the fact that MSN has no XML, just the fact Billy's penis feels a little threatened. For the mentally handicaped, source the page to read the release.

Prepare To Be Disturbed.. | - 11.02.2001
archived news - up
..Very Disturbed.

Don't want to know how you found that...

Return Of The Max | - 11.02.2001
archived news - up
Yes well i haft returned. Not much to say really, life got great, then i got sux0red into thinking that'd last. Kat dumped me last saturday (that'd make it a year and 2 months today). Currently rendering a BMW Z3 for my portfilio into Uni and doing college like stuff they call work, which is also going badly. Nothing much else to say from me, good work on the p1mp chicks, bring on Rachel Stevens i say! Catch ya laters .

I think we touched on this in the forum, most of Racheals pics are the wrong size to fit in there, but if you find any feel free to add them ;)

SFHI@Home RETURNS! | - 11.02.2001
archived news - up
Usually this is Presto's gig, but I couldn't help myself. Our new found e/n buddies over at AWD have some real gems up. Go read and give them some more hits for instant WienerDog humour. Go visit their forums too, bit quiet over there recently.

Kentucky Fried Chicken Is All I See | - 11.02.2001
archived news - up
... Its A Hella Fine Way To Start Your Week...

I have nothing to post. But I feel I must abuse the posting priveleges (sp?) I have.

Sonic, I am a useless shit. Despite that I swear (and I swear alot) that I will have Renegade Online up soon. I have alot to blame its downtime upon, but it essentially comes down to me being a 'ADD Mother Fucker'*. If I catch you online I'll hook a mofo up with some layout concepts, as to prove I have at least started.

I got alot of stuff to complain about, but most of it concerns the bloody army, and thats all I seem to have posted about recently, so Ill save you.

By the way, best of luck with the USMC Basic Training Presto, I'm sure you'll love it. ;)

Well, priveledges abused, I feel good. Toodles.

...Its All Same In The End.

*'ADD Mother Fucker' Slogan Copyright Steve Paparoa Enterprises, 2001


Acts of Gord | - 11.01.2001
archived news - up
No typo. This guy is friggin hilarious, I only hope that one day I can be that surly. There is nothing quite like slamming young punks up against the wall for stealing your shit. Stolen from god knows where.Also, for you XP guys (I hopefully will be one soon, these laptops support XP perfectly from what I've seen) check this out. I hope to do some super funky shit to mine once I get it up and running. Warning: not for the faint of heart, there's some actual work involved (read: not for idiots either). Hurry it's angelfire (who the fuck is smart enough to figure this out yet host on angelfire?), so dunno how long it will last? Shamelessly stolen from Solo.

Haha that's some funky shit alright. As soon as I can be bothered I'll download it etc, see how much I can customise the hell out of this. Maybe we should do sometihng like that, like an [lp] Splash screen, XP Login screen and wallpaper. Of course we'd need someone with the ability to do more than add text to an image, obviously not me.

LOL I found that think on pennyarcade last night too and i stayed up till 2 am reading all of gord's stories. It turns out that is a real game store about 1 hour from my house. Im thinking of taking a drive over there this weekend to see whats up.

You sound surprized Solo never finds his own amusing links?

omfg | - 11.01.2001
archived news - up
omfg cc is an anal compiler. here i am, sleeping in (err. till 2:30) thinking that as my assignment was finished after a few days (and very late nights) work (i compiled fine with visual studio) i could reward myself by chilling today, and submitting my assignment to uni whenever i got around to it. so here i am at 3 (its due at 6) and cc is spewing a million and one error / warning messages (which, i guess are my fault, not its - but still.) i wish they would add a command line argument which makes it as strict (less strict) as visual studio - something like (in best south park saddam accent) -
cc assign3.c -hey guy, relax fella... look over there

(watchout kids, a lack of sleep leads to making updates like this one)

1999 - 2018 Elite Pimps Enterprises - Layout and Coding by lp.kane