Lonneke Engel Next
Birth Day: June 14, 1981
Born in Eindhoven, Holland
Measurements: 32-25-35
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At the head of her class, Lonneke excels in school and already speaks five different languages. Enjoys horseback riding in her spare time. Wants to one day become an airline pilot.

<eFx|neXus> hello i was told by boms that u were gay
<eFx|neXus> is this true?
<eFx|neXus> fine dont awnser me
<eFx|neXus> stupid homosexual
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Happy New Year! | - 12.31.2001
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No doubt some of you will be going out tonight and are in someway or another getting ready to depart, so I'll keep it short, Happy New Year to you all.

For me New Years is more of a reason to celebrate for reasons I won't go into, so have a good one everybody.

In retrospect, on the spur of the moment, define the year just gone in no more than 10 words.
For me,
"Where the fuck...?"

Damn! my friends all working, nowhere to go, liquor stores are closed too.... and it's stil 1/2 an hour before midnight! Fuck me!

Oh yea | - 12.31.2001
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AWD just keep climbing higher and higher in the list of "The Chosen Vessles of A11ah". Not only a lovely wallpaper, but of our current trademark babe, Josie Maran. Courtesly uploaded to our server [where lots of bandwidth useage is free!], indulge in the beauty of the female figure in whatever size suits you.

800x600 (851 KB) | 1024x768 (1.29 MB) | 1280x960 (1.91 MB) | 1280x1024 (2.06 MB) | 1600x1200 (2.77 MB)


Come on | - 12.31.2001
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Everbody dance now!.

I fear it, and whoever makes that.

Deja Vu | - 12.31.2001
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I'm having flashbacks to a time long forgotten...
White space? Flattened head? Uncanny, strange deja vu...

It's getting fixed, quiet. :)

Now if only the babe pictured was Victoria/European Wynonda Ryder[sp]...

Staff Pictures | - 12.30.2001
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Since Genesis was bored shitless he decided to start surfing ebay - you all know you've done it - he found a picture of the AWD Staff. That reminded me of two pictures of our staff that were done and I was considering buying for my walls.

More regurlarly scheduled crap to come.

Update | - 12.30.2001
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You are all probably wondering why I haven't been posting (or you haven't been wondering), well, here is why:

The CCU: After many weeks of uncertainity I finally decided to leave RAX and the entire Riot Gear Network. I did this for many reasons that I won't go into here but if anyone is desperately interested feel free to annoy me over ICQ or whatever. I am going to do bugger all for a while (or at least until these 'Mock exams' are over) and then I will see where I stand.

Life: Not bad, got a bugger of a year coming up with loads of 'important' exams but it should leave me with 9-10 weeks afterwards to do absolutely naff all. Currently any 'real world' life I had has been on hold for ages due to 'ccu commitments' but now I have none I might start enjoying it a bit more.

Various: Computer nearly melted down due to faulty ram but I replaced it on Christmas Eve (the ram not the computer) and it has been 'ok' ever since. Mark, Steve and Matt: I am not telling you who 'she' is for a while yet :P
You will find out soon enough though....

I also hope to be posting more various assortments of 'stuff' here as I will have more time to do it.

We'll break you yet!

New Poll | - 12.29.2001
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Yes indeedy, after shy on 2months of the same poll, Eskil and I in a moment of insanity at half 1 and 2 in the morning decided we'd do the commentary for a new one. After a few minutes being run through a spell check, it isn't half bad. So, in the last poll of this year, we ask you:

What's your favourite...Movie Ending?
Usual stuff, links over there. I'd also like to thank the ten of you who on average voted 12 and a bit times to make the poll look atleast a little more respectable, let's see fi we can push that average up to 130!

Keyser Soce!!! Keyser Soce!!!

Poll warning | - 12.29.2001
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Well Eskil and I just finished up the poll commentary for the upcoming poll about 10-15minutes ago and I'll be editing it all together and whatnot tomorrow. So this is the last chance to get those votes in, but I think we have a clear and concise winner with the Eletric powered Gattling Gun.

You may of noticed that there is a semi-wall of buttons on the left there with a little info link underneath, more on them tomorrow. The extremely observant will of noticed an updating of the about section, more to be added to that tomorrow aswell. But now, I'm going to bed.

PvP gone? | - 12.28.2001
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For those who wondered where PvP went. Stolen from Penny Arcade. No, I don't have any shame.

SFHI @ Home | - 12.27.2001
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Authorities fail to find craft, say it likely crashed after running out of fuel; search continues today


An unmanned airplane broke free from its moorings Wednesday while the pilot was working on it, taking off from a Two Rock ranch and flying over southern Sonoma County without a pilot for at least two hours.
Authorities concluded the single-engine airplane eventually crashed, but a search for the wreckage was suspended because of darkness.
"This will be in the aviation history books," said Walt Smith, regional coordinator for the Federal Aviation Administration.
"It's pretty wild," he said. "We're all shaking our heads. We thought we'd heard everything."
The search began shortly after 3 p.m. when Paul Clary III of San Rafael called 911 to report that his airplane had taken off from his son's Middle Two Rock Road ranch with no one aboard and enough fuel to fly for two hours.
Clary, 67, said he was fixing a flooded engine when the plane broke free from its moorings.
"It's a nightmare," he said while waiting to see if authorities could locate his plane before it crashed.
Clary said he had owned the plane, a 1946 Aeronca Champion, for about six years.
Sonoma County sheriff's deputies dispatched a helicopter to find the pilotless plane, but after about four hours of searching they gave up without ever seeing the yellow aircraft for themselves.
CHP also dispatched an aircraft, and some private planes may have joined the search.
Unconfirmed reports sent them to Cotati, the Sonoma Mountain area and back to Two Rock, but Sheriff's Sgt. Kevin Scanlon said the sightings all turned out to be false.
Reports to the Sheriff's Department also said an emergency locator signal was detected, and that the plane landed four miles east of Petaluma.
But authorities conducted both ground and aerial searches of the area and came back empty-handed.
Authorities plan to resume the search for the fallen aircraft early today.
"It certainly is down someplace and the nice thing about Sonoma County is it is rural in certain areas," Smith said, adding the situation could have been worse had the plane come down in a populated area.
Authorities at one point became so concerned with the plane's whereabouts that they notified the county's Office of Emergency Services, which sent out emergency broadcasts on local radio airwaves to warn the public of the potential danger.
"We've all been in the business for a while and this a fairly new one for us," Scanlon said.
On Wednesday afternoon, sitting grim-faced and clutching a cellphone, Clary, a San Francisco veterinarian, said he has flown planes for recreation since about 1951.
He flew in from Novato for a quick trip to his son's ranch and had been there for about 10 minutes before the incident began to unfold.
He stopped the plane after landing it and when he went to start it again, he said the engine flooded.
When he turned the propeller to try to start it, the engine turned over and because the throttle was forward and on high, the plane moved.
"It's my fault. The throttle shouldn't have been forward," he said.
Clary and his son chased the plane north in their minivan until "we just lost sight of it," said Paul Clary IV.
They were able to keep it in sight for no longer than five or 10 minutes.
"It's a disaster," the younger Clary said.
Scanlon said witnesses last saw the plane climbing in the air and guessed it likely reached at least 5,000 feet. Based on the amount of fuel in its tank, the plane's weight and the weather, authorities believe it probably headed in a northeastern direction.
"We know it ran out of fuel before darkness came," Smith said.
The 1,240-pound plane has two seats. It is made of fibers and canvas and was designed in the late 1930s or early 1940s. It was manufactured for about 20 years and was sold mostly for recreational flying.
While it's hard to believe the plane could take off by itself and fly without a pilot for at least two hours, it could -- technically -- be possible, Smith said.
"If the control services were trimmed or set properly, it could in fact fly itself," he said.
Smith said that while there was some discussion about using military aircraft to locate and intercept the plane, there never was any talk of having it shot down.
FAA inspectors will begin their investigation into the missing plane today.
"I'm sure there's going to be some kind of implication toward the pilot," he said. "We'll just have to see what went wrong."

Didn't get what you wished for? | - 12.27.2001
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I just had to post this one...

Click here, and behold the coolest gift ever!

Dude! I want one!

C'est Tôt, Et je m'ennui...... | - 12.27.2001
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Comme le sujet vous dis c'est tres tôt, et j'en suis ennnuié parce que j'écoute la musique Canadien, mais la someil ne vient pas alors je vous confusera par faire cette poste en frainçais. Ce n'est que pour cette raison que c'est en francais. Les translateurs sur l'internet sont horrible alors il ne pourras pas transler cette paragraphe comme on devrait. Ma mere est foue, elle ne sache rien et elle ma ennui par m'interomper tout le temps. Pendant que j'écoute cette musique, je remarque que quelques temps que j'ai essayé de jouer les instruments ils ont suppose de faire less sonds que j'ai produit. Si ce n'est pas assez confusant je sais maintenant que je poursuivait une famme pour aucune raison, j'aimerait communiquer que je sache que c'était un decision idiot de faire ce que j'avais fait mais je ne peut pas trouver les mots qui l'exprime, ni en fraincais, ni l'anglais, c'est plus tôt ca qui m'enuui le plus. Alors c'est la tous ce qui me trouble a ce moment çi... A demain les gens......

Uh huh. Took the words right outta my mouth.

SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer's Perspective | - 12.26.2001
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Read this, kill some time or whatever.....
SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer's Perspective

I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.

This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second --- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them --- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

IV. 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance --- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now
Someone faxed this to me at work on the 24th, found it on the net here. Did you think I would waste my time typing it out?

So much for my illusions then...

Oh, and by the way... | - 12.25.2001
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Why is this server so shit-slow? I have a suspicion it's the clock, but then again, I was always kind of slow myself. Anyway, someone should try to fix it... I'm lazy. And on dial-up at my parents' house.

Christmas ramblings | - 12.25.2001
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Hello guys! I'm at my parents' house, and I'm bored, so here are some christmas ramblings to keep us (well, me anyway) entertained.

Went to see LOTR thursday, and I'm very happy to say that all my fears were unjustified. Best movie ever? Well, I'm a Matrix fan to death, but I have a suspicion that after the second or third visit to the theater, it will be a close call indeed. Awesome. Oh, and Mark, don't you dare go watch the movie without reading the book first. Fellowship Of The Ring is only around 350 pages, should take you about two days. You're no geek if you haven't read the whole trilogy at least twice

Christmas presents... Got some cool new clothes, stuff for my apartment and various other stuff. I'm a material guy, and all in all I'm happy. My parents never seize to impress, they always come up with stuff I never knew I wanted, but I always seem to need anyway.

Girls are confusing. That's all I have to say about that.

Family dinner later tonight, lots of food to eat (wohoo) and relatives to chat with (not-so-wohoo). But it's turkey, and my dad's an [understatement]excellent[/understatment] cook. Food is good!

Hmm, I can't think of much more to say, so I'll shut up now. I seem to have killed another five minutes, so I'm happy.

In closing then: Enjoy what's left of this year's christmas. Drinks are on m... errr... Derek

MERRY VHIRSTERMAS | - 12.25.2001
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I pose thee a conundrum. What do you call a guy who's been drinking Strongbow [5.3% cider since you asked] since 6pm? Me. hah.

Moving on, merry christmas to you all and I leave you with news that scientists have found the funniest joke in the world, it was on Sky News, it must be true.
Holmes and Watson are out camping. Just the two of them out in some far away part of England. They're lying awake at night and Holmes turns to Watson and says,
"Tell me what you see Watson."
"Well I see hundreds and thousands of stars all circling around us in the Milky Way"
"And what can you deduce from this?"
"Well that somewhere out there, amoungst all those stars there must be one star that has a planet orbiting it with an atmosphere capable of supporting life."
"No you pillock it means someones stolen the tent!"

God bless, good night :)

Dammit | - 12.24.2001
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Looks like I'll have to make good on a number of promises.

Oh well, at least Therm has a chance now anyway ;) [I love you really, Merry Christmas buddy.]

If anyone cares, latest PA Strip since their auto updater is rather fucked heh.

Last Ditch Christmas Thoughts | - 12.24.2001
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I do still love Christmas. While playing TFC recently, I noticed my peer group as a general group, do not. Which is kinda sad. Some may have valid reasons, but it troubles me to think that the majority of folks don't get into Christmas simply cos its not socially 'cool' to hang out with the family and god forbid have a good time.

Its 2245 NZ time, Xmas eve. I am enjoying one of my 6 ham sandwiches. Which is another treat of the season - the food. Take in moderation however. To quote one of my real-life mates Roy (Spanky to us...)

I have eating like two bags of cherrys, Man, Im regretting it now, the runs are the worst kinda punishment... Honestly Im gonna give my kids laxative when they misbehave :)
I digress.

My parents are cool. I am 17 and my brother is 22. We must be the only two people in the army who still beleive that Santa Claus exists (and he does).

As a parting comment, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Enjoy it, cos its the one time in the year you get to be a little kid again, and not have the Shrinks bust down on yo' ass.

Raping the bandwidth | - 12.23.2001
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Proof there is a god:

I hope you are all duly thankful.

And now the symbol equation:
2Wo + C2H5OH = g0dly


Guess what day it is? | - 12.22.2001
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Well today is end of the 11th month in my 20th year of existance, and I'd just like to say I need to find something to do ......

Guess what day it is?? | - 12.22.2001
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Thats right its friday... and not just any friday.... its my birthday! YOu know what that means? THats RIGHT! excessive drinking! I stoped by the liqour store on my way home from school today... $101.20 in alcoholic goodness :)))))))))

So without and futher ramblings... let the drinking conmence!

UPDATE: Well its 7:22 am and i haven't slept yet... i call that a sucess. I would type more but that would require staying awake... so no

Photos | - 12.21.2001
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After some coaxing on behalf of my foot, my scanner is working. Kinda.

I got bored, news is slow on the site, why not post some photos from the field on [-lp-]? Eh? Cos you don't care? Oh bite me.

Thats me in the middle, firing the mofo.

The boring job of prepping ammo.

Mt Ruapehu (my mountain) as photographed from the training area. The area where we train was the so-called 'top secret' location where Lord of the Rings was filmed. A few of my Bombardiers were security and such.
On a tangent, I can't wait for New Years. I got plans a plenty, it shall 0wn. /me dances

Dark and dreary can be great! | - 12.19.2001
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Well, with holiday season and people being out of work there's a mad rush of films being released and last night I went to the first screening of Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings, and I must say it is truly a Spectacular film, Ian Mackellan(sp?) was possibly the best choice to perform as Gandalf the Grey, I won't give away too much, but Chritopher Lee is without question the most amazing "Villain" actor, I'll admit I hadn't seen any of his other work before but I did see parallels between his acting and that of Peter Cushing. The CG(not .cgi....) effects were spectacular, There's one point were we get a close up on Gollum's eyes and they are the most amazing computer generated eyes that I have ever seen(better than Final Fantasy). In my opinion Peter Jackson did the book great justice and if this a sign of things to come, this will be an amazing trilogy. I will admit that somethings in the film just didn't "mesh" Completely, and some things that do lack in the film, like a shot of Aragorn where it looks like he's about to say something but it cuts away, and then the fact that the golden wood of Lothlorien isn't, well...., That would be saying to much. A great film overall, and a must see for anyone, even those who haven't read the books. I'll give it a 4 out of 5 stars.

I'm also considering writing a review of Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds soon, unless that's a bad idea.....

I haven't seen the film yet, but I have two complaints:

1: Liv Tyler as an elf? As much as I love her looks, elves are blond. End of story
2: They cut out Tom Bombadill, for fuck's sake!

But I still think it's gonna rock some major ass. So there!

In response:

1: Liv Tyler Does an adequate job, although she only apeared in about 20 minutes of the film, it's about the same quality of her acting in Empire Records
2: Tom wasn't so fucking nessecary to the plot.......

It does rock some major booty, no question.

Yeah, I know he wasn't necessary, but he was just damn cool :)

Probably saw this one before, but I don't give a shit | - 12.18.2001
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1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 bottle Vodka (you may substitute your favorite liquor)
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl,check the vodka again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.

Try another cup .... just in case
Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick
the cat.

Fall into bed.


NEW CONTENT??? | - 12.17.2001
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HOW CAN THIS BE??? Haha, well not really, but I did whip up a little holiday background sort of thingy. It can be found right here. Some caveats, you must be able to set a webpage as your background, and you need a decent computer. It's more a novelty than anything else. Anyways, extract all the files to one directory, and set your background as snow.html. Any questions about it you can email me, I will check it once I get my email working. Or... you could post in the forums. Might as well get some use out of them.

PS for morons, it makes it snow, just like on the frontpage. Cool christmas background included (from digital blasphemy).

Dammit | - 12.16.2001
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The snow has disappeared because for reasons best known to itself, the frontpage fucked itself [went binary, tables fucked and babe disappeared], unfortunately I was forced to resort to a month old back-up. Everything works but we're just sans snow unfortunately.


We invent more words in a day than pop cultre does in a decade.

Renegade | - 12.16.2001
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To say I've been even concerned when this game is being released would be a blatent lie. Since GD put out a preview of the mp beta I figured I might as well read it. The whole thing has defintely changed alot since it's orginal inception. Then again, this is the third time - if I recall my conversations with Castle correctly - the game has been stripped down and redesigned, afterall it was supposed to of been out just after RA2, a laughable premise if I ever heard one.

No doubt reactions to the zealots who got their grubby little paws on the mp beta will be proclaiming how it's so innovative, imaginative and amazingly brilliant gameplay or whatever, even from the preview I tihnk it's pretty safe to say for the gamers amoung us who have actually played games other than CnC all the time, that WW are once again following their "Regurgitate and Redistribute" policy.

Every single thing about the game just smacked me with the word "TRIBES" about the head. Everything from buying vehicles - ok I'll give them the way in which they were produced, wonder how many meetings that design decision took? - to the classes and the "terminals" are just blatently cut and pasted from Tribes. I mean for fucks sake, the engineers use a "repair gun". Yes, very orginal.

No doubt playing Tribes with CnC skins is most entertaining just for old times sake, but one wonders just how long it'll take to get bored of it all, realising it's all old hat now, copied design concepts from over 3years ago now too....

Crazy foo | - 12.14.2001
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A little humourous[sp? who gives a shit] Test.

And yes, I failed.

Staff Forum | - 12.14.2001
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Well, I've set up the staff forum, and If one of the staff can't acces it give one of the admins a shout(If you can't see it, you can't access it.) Much apreciated, thanks.

I got no staff forum lovin' going down... AH!

In YaBB's complete homosexuality, you need to be a board wide admin to access the private forum, unfortunately just making someone a mod won't cut it but I see where you're coming from. So just let me know and I'll change your account, I'm tooo idle to actually do everyones myself.

Whatever does it for you. | - 12.13.2001
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"The final bullet echoed in the air, an exclamation mark on everything that had lead up to this point."

Well, that's Max Payne done for the 4th ish time. First time on D.O.A [yay for me]. The final challenge is...well interesting. Everything else in my collection has been played to death already I think, not even the holidays yet. Oh well, time to drag the old N64 down from the loft and get it on with Jimbo. Good times, good times. Time to brace myself for christmas shopping, Jeeves, my SAW.

But hey, at the end of it all," He was grinning smugly. The grin of a winner."

"That made two of us."

A True Classic.... | - 12.10.2001
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Its moments like these which make you feel so wise....This was a classic moment on UICN (The IRC Network I use):

*guest27125* hi i am very good at irc, i can script and even hack people on irc,but this real good hacker keeps hacking into me and changing my nick, his name is NickServ


If Only I Had Kids... | - 12.08.2001
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I might have an excuse...

Four More Days Of Work To Go | - 12.08.2001
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Makes me wanna sing. Hell I am singing. You just cant hear me. Ha!

Yeah. So 4 more days of work, then 31 odd days leave. Combine that with a decent car, a decent amount of cash, and less that decent intentions, and you've got mufuggin' paradise.

The final of Band of Brothers just played this week. I managed to see every episode of it, despite my many times in the field. I agree with the majority of people that it is a wonderful series, and it should be played more often. The only thing that I don't like about it is it about how it seems a little too patriotic towards the yanks. Only a minor gripe however. Im sure its gonna come out on DVD at some stage, and when it does, I am going to get it for sure.

Has anyone here read any Spike Milligan stuff? I just read through his entire 'war memoirs' for the second time. I rate him as one of the most genuinely funny people of all time. If you see any of his books at a library or something, do check it out.

I invented frags biatch. | - 12.07.2001
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A little humour only Steve might get, espcially since I was reminded of that hiatus last year.

Newspro is homosexual | - 12.05.2001
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Since it won't let me fix my errors below, or maybe it's just the server having a moment of sexual contemplation. Either way, fuck it.

Obviously your pitiful connection wreeking havok upon your client-server response times....

Fixed, btw

Next Year's Calendar | - 12.05.2001
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Obviously this is always an intergral part of anyone's Christmas list, two lovely last minute additions to mine:


Christmas Spirit #2 | - 12.04.2001
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From: Lydia Zeltow~December 14
My dearest darling John:
Where on earth did you find a real partridge in a pear tree?
Thank you a hundred times!
All my love forever,
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 15
Dearest John:
I received your sweet gift. Imagine: two turtle doves! They're
adorable. Thanks again!
Love always,
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 16
Dear John:
Aren't you the extravagant one. I don't deserve such
generosity, three French hens!
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 17
Dear John:
Today I got the four calling birds. Now really, they're
beautiful, but isn't that a bit too romantic?
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 18
Dearest John:
What a surprise. Today the UPS delivered five golden rings,
one for every finger. Just in time, as those birds squawking
were starting to get on my nerves, and I was beginning to
wonder about you!
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 19
Dear John:
When I opened the door today there were six geese laying on
my front steps. So you're back to the birds again? These
geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors
are complaining. Please stop.
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 20
What's with you and freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming.
What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop everywhere. I
can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny.
So stop!
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 21
O.K. Buster:
What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's
not enough with all those birds - they had to bring their
cows! There's manure everywhere and I can't move in my own
house. Just lay off, smartass.
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 22
Hey Bonehead:
What are you...some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing - and I mean playing! They haven't stopped chasing
those maids since they got here. The cows are upset and
they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am
I going to do? The neighbors want me evicted. What were you
From: Lydia Zeltow~December 23
You rotten jerk:
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I say "ladies."
They've been fooling around with those pipers all night long.
Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. The
Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause
why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the
police on you.
Lydia Zeltow~December 24
Listen you "#$%&*^#"
Great - now there's eleven lords a leaping on those maid and
ladies. All twenty-three of the birds have been trampled to
death in the orgy. The pipers have even started getting the
cows into the action. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten
vicious swine!!!
Your sworn enemy
Harrison Burnsley, Esq.~December 25
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers
fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client,
Ms. Lydia Zeltow. The destruction of her property and peace
of mind was, of course, total. All correspondence should
come to our attention. Should you attempt to locate or
contact Ms. Zeltow at the sanitarium where she now resides,
the attendants have been instructed to have you arrested on

Christmas Spirit | - 12.04.2001
archived news - up
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Every creature was dead, including the mouse.
The stockings were booby-trapped, well and with care
To blow Santa to bits when he arrived there.

The children lie bloody, dead in their beds
With flies and rats chewing on their heads.
While I, dressed in black, HK-91 in hand
Ready to kill Santa when in his sled he did land.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I shot mother in her head and watched it splatter.
Then I sprung to the window gazing through my infrared scope
Was Santa out there?...My trigger finger quivered with hope.

It was then that I saw him on his cherry red sled
Oh how I wanted that fat slob dead.
As he flew through the air I targeted a deer
I squeezed on the trigger and blew off an ear.

“On Donner, On Blitzen” Santa shouted in fright
I wasted old Blitzen in dawn’s early light.
I tossed down the HK and picked up a shotgun
Then I killed some more reindeer, man this was fun.

Smoke trailed from the sled as I blew off Rudolf’s nose
Old Santa crash landed by my garden hose.
He dove through a window, getting into my house
I cursed as I shot, I missed the fat louse.

As I grabbed my MP-5 I chuckled with glee
Thinking of all the venison I was getting for free.
Then I thought of the kids who would not get the toys in his sack
I laughed out loud as I slung the gun on my back.

For when I was a boy I learned the truth from my mommy
Fat old Santa is a despicable commie.
With my MP-5 and my Benelli M-1
Santa was dead before he’d begun.

I leaped down the stairs and fell into a crouch
There was the fat louse, lying on my couch.
The smoke from his pipe circled his head like a wreath
Tobacco spittle dribbling from his coffee stained teeth.

His once red outfit was grimy and black
I smiled as I took the gun off my back.
He pleaded, “No don’t shoot me, I’ll die from the blast!”
I said, “Yeah you’re right, and besides, it’s too fast.”

I unsheathed my knife and sliced the nose off his face
Then I said, “Eat it, and don’t forget to say grace.”
With that he got up and ran for the door
My fingers reached for my belt and out came my .44.

The big gun bucked as I shot him in the ass
He fell off the porch, in a heap on the grass.
He crawled to his sled, urged his reindeer to flight
I shouldered the shotgun and put him in my sight.

With a crack of his whip, up went the sled
With a touch to my trigger, off came his head.
I noticed the snow, now red, twas once white,
And shouted “A Bloody Christmas To All, And To All A Good Night!”

BMW Z3 - With bull bars?! | - 12.03.2001
archived news - up
Ok, its been one of those days so im going to keep it short. Went into london today, chatted up some girls etc, saw some lights came home now im tired! Anyway,

Raping the loading times with more images would be nice, but instead i thought i'd let you click:

here here here here and here

Bet you've never seen a BMW Z3 like that before. Bring back legal bull bars!

Sell me that car, I don't care what the price is!

Grim Fandango flashbacks anyone?

Absence of light | - 12.02.2001
archived news - up
Consuming the night.

Fuck my head hurts. Colds suck. I guess that happens when you share drinks with people with colds, damn after-show parties. After finally catching up on the shows I missed [!], I've come to the conclusion Band of Brothers is one of the best war films/series I've ever seen. They should just keep showing it, not only for it's brillance but to make sure no one ever forgets.

With that I'm going to pass out for a bit.

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