Jolene Blalock Next
Birth Day: March 5th, 1975
Born in San Diego, California
Measurements: Unknown
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Credit goes to shupa for the idea and picture.
Did You Know:
"I like men who are very cool but also so brilliant that they are almost insane. Sean Penn, Gary Oldman, Tom Waits-men who would be flipping burgers if they hadn't found an outlet for their brilliant mind-sets. I also like men who have hands with big masculine veins that you can squish and move."

<lp|speedy> you get discounts on shoes
<lp|speedy> nice
<lp|aj`happydays> omg you damn mexican stop thinking about running for the border for one min
Random
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Not with a 10,000 men | - 02.26.2002
archived news - up
Could Steve Gibson do it. For him to think he could, was indeed folly.

On another note, the dreaded annual school cross country looms ahead, I stand and quake in it's shadow of the pain and suffering it will inflict on the fools who dare to take it on. I shall return, but when, I am uncertain.
TheShadow


Well, shit... | - 02.25.2002
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Cancel your reservations for a moon vacation in 2010, because the moon does not exist. Damn, I really wanted to go too... Oh well, I guess there are still open slots on the first plain to neverland.
Eskil


Yeah BabY | - 02.24.2002
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5-2 w000t!!!! (if you don't know why this post exists you're a serious shut-in)
Grim


Heathens | - 02.23.2002
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"Dossy it up however you want", the infidel has somehow been party to the inner workings of our sanctums. GSN spies are everywhere.
TheShadow


Curling | - 02.21.2002
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I feel truly sorry for the guy who had to make the curling final sound interesting. Either, this is really bad shit for Britain. Like we weren't bad enough at sports or anything involving interacting with the world, this can not end well for us.

If we win, then the general feeling will be that we're such a pathetic excuse for a nation that we can only win at a game as pathetic as us, being curling. If we lose, then the same fate awaits us, we are even more of an excuse for a nation because we can't even win at a game as abstract and riduculously mundane as curling.

Just 3 more years, 3 more then I can move...

They're all Scotts anyway, so why should you complain so much?
TheShadow


Coincidence? | - 02.21.2002
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Maybe I've been playing too much Renegade...

That was a left handed diminshed ninth!


Oh come on... I'll admit I'm kinda macho, but please. And post a decent picture at least, I look like I'm seventeen in that one
TheShadow


The day is mine! | - 02.21.2002
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The preview has been mentioned on both CNCNZ and CNCDen, no flames or comments yet, I am still perusing their forums because you all know how I like to "respond" to my critics. So yes, the day indeed mine.

Moving on, we all remember Steve's piece of seasonal goodwill, a rare display of being true our name of pimps. Now, normally posting booty is not what this site is at all about [if it is indeed about anything] but I feel obligated to explain why these exceptions have been made, not only to clarify the misty meanings of the site but also to keep you hanging on.

Once again the fine topic folk at #jedi are to be thanked for eludicating me to the site in question, but the top 25 soon made my clickage more than worthwhile. I now present to you in censored form the true winner of the [lp] booty prize started in the Britney thread many moons ago.

She even has candy around her neck,ffs.
You'll find the full picture in hiding from the eyes of GPH. Once again, the pleasure was all ours.
TheShadow


Renegade Compatability | - 02.21.2002
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Steve has just discovered a problem with the demo, which may be for him only but it's worth filling up the fp with anyway. The demo when patched with v1.007 does not work with Windows Blinds [the popular skinning utility for Win2k and XP], causing the game to crash a few seconds after loading. Not sure if that applies to anyone else, but there you go. Consider it our civic duty.
TheShadow


Olympic Update | - 02.20.2002
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This morning in the most amazing turn of events, a fluke goal struck Swedish goaltender Tommy Salo in the shoulder, flipped over his back and into the net at 17:30 of the final period against Belarus allowing them to advance to the quarter-finals to face the Winner of the Canada-Finland Game later tonight. This is most definately a first for Belarus and a Major Disapointment for Swedish Hockey. But this surprising turn of events a team with no NHL veterans playing for them has defeated a team with such stars as Mats Sundin, Markus Naslund and Tommy Salo. To the Belarusians credit, their goaltending was superb, Considering the fact the Mezin plays for a Canadian Junior team which brought forth such hockey greats as Larry Robinson. Anyway, it was all a big shock and well, Sweden is on its way back home after huge 4-3 upset in the dying minutes of a game destined for the history books.
Grim


Renegade Preview | - 02.20.2002
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Two glasses of wholesome milk, the Planets Suite and a subversive a11ah referrence later, my Renegade Preview is completed. In true gloatful and page filling style, here's a snippet:
I'll save you the melodramatics, as I only know the outline of what the game has now become, but the Renegade I knew was streets ahead of this. Another case of EA mass marketing and mass management foiling another creative [a novel adjective to use for Westwood these days] idea by on of their assimilated companies and telling the people what they want. Again, I digress. I think the first thing I should point out is this only a one-map demo. And it's been patched. Twice. Just read that bit again, let it sink in. Done? Right, I don't think I'll waste our time by telling you what that says about the "pro in-house beta testers". Given it did have an online beta, but I then again knowing the majority of WW's fans it's highly plausible they would be utterly useless.
For the uncoothed, clicketh. The rest of you know how to use the sidebar.
TheShadow


The West Wing | - 02.20.2002
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I hear it's tradition to post about things you want ot buy on worthless e/n sites, so The West Wing Box Set of the first half of series one will be out soon. Rejoice! The last word on it was that they weren't going to release any. Sometimes you've just got to love capitlism.
TheShadow


Celebration | - 02.20.2002
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Well look at that, a piece of chain mail from one of my moronic peers was actually worthy of a post in some way. Not often that happens, not often at all.
Believe it or not but 8.02pm on February 20, 2002 will be an historic moment in time. It will not be marked by the chiming of any clocks or the ringing of bells, but at that precise time, on that specific date, something will happen which has not occurred for 1,001 years and will never happen again.
As the clock ticks over from 8.01pm on Wednesday, February 20, time will, for sixty seconds only, read in perfect symmetry 2002, 2002, 2002, or to be more precise - 20:02, 20/02, 2002. The last occasion that time read in such a symmetrical pattern was long before the days of the digital watch and the 24-hour clock - at 10.01am on January 10, 1001. And because the clock only goes up to 23.59, it is something that will never happen again.
There you go, learn something new everyday.

Erm, dude...
11:11, 11/11 1111
and it will happen again:
21:12, 21/12 2112


I know, but I don't call them moronic peers for nothing.
TheShadow


More Retro | - 02.19.2002
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Lemme ask ya this, lemme ask ya this, can ya kick my ass?
TheShadow


Retro News | - 02.19.2002
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The Mall - 12:19 AM GMT
Hmm... the frontpage has kind of slowed, so it's time for the posting of pointless idiocy. What's today's topic? The mall, idiot. Can't you read the title?

Anyways, the mall is America's secret weapon. Sure we lost our atomic superiority and our numerical superiority, but we still have the mall, and that makes us mighty. Much like a biological weapon, the mall's evil power has seeped into every corner of the earth. It converts honest hardworking citizens into soulless heathens that worship the god of consumerism. Look at Japan. Ten years ago, they were in danger of overtaking the US. What do we do? Send in the malls. Now, they're helpless in our grasp. So you see, no one can escape our godless consumerism. You will be assimilated.

By the way, it doesn't matter if you know. It's much too late to stop the mall.

HAH! You will never take me! NEVER!
Pah nothing can stop the English Football Supporters Core...
Then again... the reason you won't take me is because I never move outside : )
Ever heard of some stores called EB, Babbages, and Fry's? Mwahahaha we even have the computer game sector covered. Also, more people respond to my vote.

Shinano

TheShadow


yer | - 02.19.2002
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i renewed the domain for another year. the excitement will never end...

Australia owns the world and gets two gold medals;

She won Monday, giving the Aussies one more gold than the athletes from the winter wonderland of Austria, and as many as Canada.
owned. au > world

/me counts... Oh yeah, we have nine gold, six silver and one bronze. So far.

if(au > (world - Norway) && Norway > au)
{
    Norway.owned(au, world);
}


Even I got that.
wm


re:re:Renegade | - 02.18.2002
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It seems you were right, Matt, at least according to Penny Arcade:
Speaking of the crew, we hope to give that Renegade Multiplayer Demo a try on Monday night, if we can. You might recall my being very impressed with what was shown at E3 last year - I'm wondering if what you can download doesn't include the highest quality art assets, because the multi demo I've got here (with requisite patch) doesn't look anything like what I saw there. The geometry is about right, but what I'd seen at the expo led me to believe that these basic (but certainly serviceable) environs would be dressed for the dance with fairly lavish textures. That's not what we've got
Strange indeed... Maybe to keep the download size down or something, I don't know, but still a very, very strange tactic

The thing is that it looks about the same as "Red Faction" on my shiny new beast so I wouldn't complain unless things looked like Halflife
Eskil


Site Betterness | - 02.18.2002
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Not quite March so looks like we're ahead of schedule. Nothing hugly major, but what did you expect?
  • Poll Index. Can also be found on the sidebar under "Main". A list of all the previous polls with their results, commentators and commentry.
  • Bastardisations Index. The place where all those pictures went. The newest feature/addition to this so called site, including two new pictures added today inspired by Eskil's post. Oddly enought his is also on the sidebar.
  • Retro Press Release. One of the first press release and thought lost until a few weeks ago thanks to the way back machine. Certainly brings back some memories. The index of release can be found on the sidebar also under Humour.
Talking of the way back machine, I'm going to be so bored I'm going to use to try and restore some of our archives and probably post a couple of old posts if the mood takes me.
TheShadow


Dubya | - 02.18.2002
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Can someone please explain to me how someone like this ever gets elected president? Or for that matter, how he survived his teens? A coup d'etat is needed, and fast.
Eskil


Bashing | - 02.17.2002
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Ah, open season on Westwood, it's almost like old times. It also seems that never releasing demo's has shown up here, they really have no idea what to do or put in one. One map is pretty appauling really, most come with atleast 2-3 to give some variety. Also, the lack of checkbox filters and having a patch out for the demo really does just take the proverbial cake.

I shall postulate no more on the matter, unless I really can't help it, until I have some true first hand experience.
TheShadow


re: Renegade | - 02.17.2002
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After a 15 minute download and three minute setup I was up and running playing Renegade online. My feeling so far are pretty mixed, after about an hour and a half... I'll try to break up my initial reactions:

Graphics:
Not too impressive, I must say. Everything seems very flat and edgy, and the textures are unimpressive and cover huge areas. Tiberium is a flat field with a pretty dull green texture. The first time I came across it, I didn't even realize what it was, and wandered right through it, dying instantly. And I'm a long-time C&C player...

Sound:
Not good. Actually, borderline annoying. At one point the rain came pouring down in the game (a nice touch, but it didn't add anything to the gameplay), and the sound was actually more like a constant background static rather than rain hitting the ground. The sound I got when making a kill was a very annoying click sound (you'll understand when you hear it).

Buildings:
The buildings are somewhat recognizable from TD, but they are really too dull, suffering from the same underuse of textures as the rest, and generally appearing very square.

Vehicles:
This was where the most fun was, the vehicles were a nice surprise. You would purchase them through control panels scattered around inside all the buildings, and it would get delivered on the airstrip/drive out of the weapons factory seconds later. Only problem was that there was no nametag on them, so quite frequently you'd run up the where the vehicle should be, and someone had stolen it. Driving them was a lot of fun, and control was learned in seconds.

The demo map:
I hope this is not how they will look in the finished game. The map was cramped, and there were no strategic points you could set up, say, a defensive line or place a sniper. It was just a map.

General:
The game still seems like a beta, and I can't help wanting more. It was fun running around on the map and playing, but I have a suspicion it will get old rather quickly. In general, it also seemed like quite a few features had been quick-fixed and then never really approached properly... Example: I'm guessing that sometime during the beta, they found out that vehicles could easily enter the hallways spread around on the map. So instead of making them smaller or fixing it some other way, they threw big rocks or fences in front of them all, prohibiting access. Also, the Nod base on the demo map is placed on the edge of a cliff above the sea. But instead of making you watch your step, they just made you unable to jump off. The ocean/cliff border also revealed a few clipping errors. Not good.

Verdict:
The game was fun up to a point, but started getting repetitive already after an hour, which was a tad disappointing. Overall, I'll give it 6/10 for the game and an extra point for the nostalgia, bringing us to a sum of 7/10. Download the demo and try it, but I'd be cautious about shelling out a full price for it.

Update:
After playing for another half hour, I have to comment on one more thing: The harvester AI sucks worse than it did in TD. I've just watched a harvester getting stuck on a lamp post and not being able to back up and drive around. After fifteen minutes we got three light tanks and shoved it backwards to free it! Verdict is back to 6/10 for that alone, and that still includes the nostalgia point (the Renegade harvesters do act like their TD counterparts, I'll give them that). Really, Westwood, poor harvester AI is simply unforgivable.

I've heard that westwood actually toned the graphics in the demo down a whole heck of a lot for some insanely odd reason that I haven't heard yet, If you're smart enough to figure out a way around the lag it does make things better but some people just aren't that smart....

Toned down the graphics? Um... ok...?

Really... I thought the purpose of the demo was to 'demonstrate' the capabilities of a game, in order to convince people to buy it. One would think you'd want to put your best foot forward. Anyways, the five seconds I was in the game, I felt the same, the textures, etc, were really substandard. Whether they were toned down or not, remains to be seen.
Eskil


Well well... | - 02.17.2002
archived news - up
What the f...
Last Friday, Westwood took the next step in the evolution of developer support by holding a "Mod College" at their headquarters in Las Vegas, NV, just minutes away from the famed casino strip. Developers from 11 mod teams were flown in from points all over the world to take part in a full day of tutorials and Q&A surrounding the ins and outs of the capabilities of the new engine Westwood created for their latest game, C&C: Renegade.
Looks like the sponsored Las Vegas trips continue, but in a slightly different flavour. I'm not sure what to think, but it seems odd that mod makers should need to be persuaded to work on an engine, instead of choosing the best one for their projects on their own?

Maybe it means the engine is so cumbersome that modmakers need professional training just to use it? In related news, I downloaded the renegade demo, but it would always quit the game after 5 secs of playing, therefore I cannot give a verdict on gameplay.

For it was pitty that stayed Bilbo's hand, young Baggins. There are some games which are bought that deserve to be downloaded, and there are those which are downloaded, that deserve to be bought.
Eskil


Pointless Quiz | - 02.17.2002
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I think I ripped this off some E/N site i stumbled onto, but hell who cares, the load time needed some raping and you all know how much you love lame quizes.


TheShadow


Um... | - 02.16.2002
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Protect your children from the horrors of masturbation. Actually, some of those devices look more like bizarre sex tools than anything else... Or maybe it's just my filthy mind speaking. I can imagine how the child will react when he reaches his teens after a regular dose of electric shocks and spankings from his father for a few years. This is where those shy geeky boys come from. You know, the ones that run away at the mere possibility of having to approach and/or speak to a girl

I especially like the vaginal juce detection cream:
apply to hands, underwear or cucumbers to detect traces of vaginal juices
Another piece of useless junk brought to you by [lp] incorporated. Wankers unite!
Eskil


Oh Look | - 02.14.2002
archived news - up
A post, from one of our hugly motivated and dedicated round the clock news team. Another Valentines Day was upon us and did anyone really care? You should all know by now that being the miserable cynic I am I hate it for sad reasons best kept within my twisted ocrtex. Suffice to say, it's funny how pathetic kids my age are running around school comparing text messages. To think, in a few years on this day I'll have the single guys going out and getting pissed and the single girls writing depraved poetry about despair, sadness and lonelyness [and yes, I have no shame in "sharing" the opinions of College Humour].

In some ways I'm thankful for the idocy bestowed upon those below the age of about 25 because it really does make life that little more humourous and bearable.

And to round up my annoyingly cynical rantings of the day, I love the way our money is being spent efficently on the Met these days.
A Police Spokeperson said, "The man assaulted was the definite target of a violent attack."

TheShadow


Revelation | - 02.14.2002
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Everyone said it couldn't be done, but I believe I have found the answer to the age old question at last. Also, I believe the time is right for a change...
Eskil


It made me laugh | - 02.11.2002
archived news - up
As you know, I hate this city with great burning fire, but this still made me laugh. Fiddle the details around however you like to get the desired effect for that town next to you that you hate.
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh day, resting.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds "Look Michael, look what I've made." Said God.
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hotspot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small area of land and said, "What's that ?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Liverpool, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful people, 2 great football teams, 2 impressive cathedrals and is the home of the worlds greatest ever pop group. The people from Liverpool are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them in Manchester."

TheShadow


SFHI@home | - 02.10.2002
archived news - up
Well, the search continues, and our findings so far have not shown much promise of ever succeding in our sacred quest. We went to see a man in East Fuckville, CA, but we were too late, as he had already been claimed by the dark side...
Eskil


Training Day | - 02.09.2002
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Too tired for a Mark review, so I'll give you a Mike review.

It was cool. Denzel was pretty excellent in it. Other people who've seen who I've spoken to think the moral is "Good always wins", I think it's everything always goes to hell in the end anyway. In short, go see it

Next Week: Oceans 11
TheShadow


*sigh* | - 02.09.2002
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Note to AWD: No matter how lazy you are, never link to images hosted on geoshitties!
Eskil


Everyone loves karaoke... | - 02.09.2002
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...even us metalheads. So I give you: Growl karaoke. Follow the lyrics and sing along. Whoooar!
Eskil


Raporising | - 02.09.2002
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House guests would be my sufficient explanation for not being here, and to make up for it I offer you this picture found by Rich but posted by me because I'm a bastard like that.

Been working on some site betterness recently, so that should be done by March or so.
TheShadow


Wohoo | - 02.08.2002
archived news - up
Well, the Warcraft 3 beta is underway, and although I'm really holding out for World Of Warcraft, I think I might have to check out WC3 as well, it looks sexy as hell, especially considering that Blizzard has little or no previous experiense with 3D graphics. I guess I'll need something to keep me busy until WoW comes out as well, I'm guessing around 2005-2006 sometime, in keeping with Blizzard's traditions of slippage.

Diablo 2 is 3d, I'm amazed you don't know that....

Well, pseudo-3D. It uses 3D-acceleration to do the lighting effects and such, but the game itself is pretty much 2D
Viper


How I can tell... | - 02.07.2002
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That eskil has visited somewhere:


Damn, you caught me

Considering I only distributed it to about 5 people, that's a lot of uniques.
Shinano


Unexepected news | - 02.07.2002
archived news - up
Unexpectedly, at around 3:00 I recieved an e-mail from westwood saying that I'd been accepted for Phase six stress tests for Earth and Beyond.... confused as to how they came to the decison that they chose, I said "Sure why not? It's an opportunity to check out a game that would cost me 9.95 a month to play for free before anyone else." anyway, I'll get the CD within 30-60 days(or just some more info....). anyway, If this doesn't satisfy my lack of a new decent space sim/rpg then Westwood will officially and finally be in my bad books. sorry Mark, but if it doesn't look good, it'll be the last straw with westwood and all bridges will have been burnt between myself and them.

And I care? When was the last time you heard me singing WW's prasies? The closest they came ot getting any admiration int he past was me commending the features they've plagurised into Renegade.

not what I meant.... meant that if nothing gets better with this game I'll be certain to forget that WW ever existed, which you've been trying to persuade people away from them.....
Grim


"Honest injun, I thought it were just hotrocks" | - 02.05.2002
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Ah, the idiocy never ceases to amaze me. Especially quotes like this:

The devices -- which contain highly radioactive Strontium-90; were found by three local woodsmen, who used their glowing heat to keep warm.

I thought country folk were superstitious when it came to 'them thar majic rocks.' Ah well, It just goes to show you, no matter where in the world you are, if the place you're in is named georgia, you're fucked. Stolen shamelessly from CNN.
Shinano


Lamer Of The Day | - 02.04.2002
archived news - up
The Westwood Community:
*Guest2093637* fuk off ass holes and suk the baggy old mans dik ooooooooo u nets printer wut a name ur such a fag ass hole u are so gay and killer ur a fag 2 i cant beleive u guys are so gay i dint think old men bums wood like ra2 and yr

*** Guest2093637 (raden@d022162.2e138044.dial-access.att.net) Quit (Killed (TheKiller (Channel Abuse)))

When will they learn...
TheKiller


Janglings | - 02.04.2002
archived news - up
Red Faction is one hell of a fun game to play if you enjoy shooting endless amounts of guards, monsters and mercs with any assortment of weapons ranging from the sublime to the ridculous and vehicles almost as "interesting". Given the Geo-Mod technology is some pretty fucking fun shit to play with and the engine on a whole is veddy veddy nice, even if it wasn't there to begin with, once you've completed the game you can't help but want ot pick up the next game. It's an enjoyable experience the first time, but after you've gone through once and know what's going to happen, the game really loses it's edge and brings me to my point, it has no replay-ability. Worth the download/borrowing for the first run though on any difficulty level, but after that it's best given back or shelved.

That was most of weekend covered, spent completing Red Faction, and accorinding to the ingame clock it only took me around 5hours or so. The rest of the time was spent with sleeping, eating, dirnking, not posting here, getting my ass frozen off in a rugby pitch [ironically the same place I bitched about this time last year too, odd coincidence huh] and playing Civ 3. Still pretty dumb struck about how addictive that game is, so I'll just leave you with the thought that it would take 26.25minutes for the Amazon to fill an 80litre bath for every person on the earth when at taken form it's peak discharge into the Atlantic. Learn something new everyday.

I told you you'd see the light. Welcome to Mike's and my world. I can assure you you will never be able to leave
TheShadow


Virus hoax | - 02.01.2002
archived news - up
Don't know how many of you received a virus warning from someone about a virus attached in a greeting card that would render your hard drive useless, but McAffee have now reassured us all that it was a hoax, thank god:
McAfee AVERT Labs would like to inform you of a new email HOAX.

This email message is just a HOAX, currently we know of no other message that the user will receive about the HOAX as the initial email states. AVERT has not received any report of a user's hard drive being erased for opening the email.

We are advising users who receive the email to delete it and DO NOT pass it on as this is how an email HOAX propagates.
The link would be here. Just thought you'd like to know.
Viper


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